


Nasty Chocolate

by LiaoftheDawn



Series: GrimmUlqui One-shot collection [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Valentine's Day, this is an old fic have mercy of me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 18:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6020725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiaoftheDawn/pseuds/LiaoftheDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been a terrible idea, Ulquiorra thought looking at the dark brown substance that looked nowhere near edible. Could this really help him convey his true feelings to 'that' person?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nasty Chocolate

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I wrote a couple years ago for a V-Day fic exchange. I've re-edited it a little. If you haven't read it yet, I hope you give it a chance (even if this fandom has been dead for yeeeaaaars :'D) Idk, if enough people like it I might start moving my other GU stories over to AO3

It had been a terrible idea to begin with. Yet he had ignored that little voice telling him to turn around and leave; instead he had decided to follow through with his plan at all costs. Which explained why the almighty Cuatro Espada Ulquiorra Cifer, one of the most feared and respected Arrancar in Las Noches, had ended wearing a pink apron. Yes, pink.

"Would you mind to repeat why I have to wear this… thing?" he asked once again, glaring at the item that was covering his impecably white uniform.

His tormentor smiled at him, golden eyes showing how much he was enjoying this.

"Oh, but Ulquiorra-kun, you wouldn't want to get your uniform dirty, right?"

Ulquiorra pursed his lips, not entirely satisfied with that explanation, and hoping that whatever Szayel Aporro Granz had in mind would be over before he regretted asking for his help.

"Fine, but you have yet to explain to me how this will help with my problem."

The flamboyant Espada's joyous laughter echoed inside the laboratory, making Ulquiorra wonder if it was not too late to run away.

"Why, your problem is actually very common, Ulquiorra-kun, and you came to the right person to solve it."

He waltzed across the room, a dreamy smile on his lips, with Ulquiorra following him cautiously.

"And as it is, you couldn't have chosen a more perfect day to finally decide to solve this problem of yours. Perhaps it's fate…"

Ulquiorra ignored him, knowing that if he paid too much attention to Szayel's nonsense, his already limited patience wouldn't last too much.

Szayek led him to a separate room full of strange objects and artifacts that were completely different to those one would regularly find in the laboratory. He showed Ulquiorra to a clean white table displaying multiple items -some of which he recognized as cooking tools- with a proud grin.

"Now, Ulquiorra-kun, would you happen to know what day is today?" he chirped, gliding through the various cupboards and shelves and picking a variety of things that Ulquiorra could not name.

"February 14"

His golden eyes lit happily, laying all the items on the table.

"Exactly! It's the perfect time to solve that little problem of yours!"

Ulquiorra stared at his excited comrade. He really should have gone to Harribel instead. She was probably more knowledgeable in the subject matter, and she was also quite straight-to-the-point, which Ulquiorra had always thought to be her best personality trait. Whatever made him believe that Szayel, due to his being a scientist, could provide him with objective and helpful advice, he did not know. Was it too late to say 'Thank you but I will try something else'? There was a small chance that it would anger Szayel, which could lead to him wanting to test some new drug on Ulquiorra. He shuddered at the thought.

"Oh, but I'm sure you're wondering what I mean with that, right? Well, that's because today is Valentine's Day!"

He was brought back from his thoughts by the excited voice and turned to look at the exhilarated expression on Szayel's face.

"That is very interesting, but I fail to understand how this Valentine's thing will help me to make that person aware of my… feelings."

Szayel looked at him with horror, backing away from him.

"You… don't know what Valentine's Day is?" his expression morphing into one of pity.

Ulquiorra didn't answer, waiting and hoping that Szayel would go to the point quickly, because he was starting to get impatient. He wanted to get done with this as soon as possible. It had taken a lot of courage and resolve to finally come to terms with his feelings, let alone decide to confide on someone like Szayel Aporro about them in hopes of getting any advice, and he was starting to feel that this was getting him nowhere.

A dreamy smile appeared on Szayel's. Ulquiorra was slightly amazed at just how quickly he seemed to change his mood.

" _Everyone_ should know about Valentine's Day! It's a day to share and celebrate love! It's the perfect occassion to confess your deepest and most hidden feelings to the person most dear to you. Such a wonderful festivity!"

Ulquiorra felt his face warm up a little and he looked away. He really shouldn't have come here, but now it was too late go back. He had made a decision, and he was going to take this to the bitter end, no matter how embarrassing it turned out to be.

"So? What are we going to do now?"

With a proud smile, Szayel made a sign towards the table covered with the items and ingredients he had gathered, putting on a pink apron for himself.

"Why, of course, since today is Valentine's Day, the best way to express your love to that special someone is through… _chocolate_!"

Ulquiorra blinked slowly, confused. He knew what chocolate was. It was a type of candy that many humands seemed to favor due to its unique taste. But that was it. Seriously? The great scientist Szayel Aporro Granz's great plan was to make sweets? How was that in any way going to solve his current predicament?

Szayel seemed to notice his uncertainty, because he smiled and slung his arm around his shoulders. Ulquiorra held back a reflex to push him away. He detested physical contact, period.

"Oh, trust me Ulquiorra-kun, there is more to chocolate than it seems. After all, there is a reason for its popularity. Chocolate releases endorphines, or what's commonly known as 'the hormone of happiness'. Besides, while not a proven aphrodisiac, chocolate is extremely sexy, Ulquiorra-kun." He winked, nudging him in the ribs. "Not to mention that it's tradition to give a special hand-made chocolate to the person you love. Isn't that exactly what you need?"

Ulquiorra pondered his options and decided that maybe Szayel was right. Besides, that person was after all, particularly voracious. Even if it would be his first time trying to prepare any kind of meaningless "food", it shouldn't be too hard.

* * *

After two hours of adding ingredients, getting covered in all sorts of disgusting substances, from milk to chocolate paste, and tiring his arm from mixing and stirring the resulting concoction, which looked nowhere near edible, Ulquiorra had had enough. That person could eat the contents (he wouldn't really call it chocolate) directly from the bowl for all he cared, and if his 'love' didn't get through, he wouldn't mind at all.

"My, aren't you a natural." Szayel joked, noticing the dark aura surrounding him.

He peeked at the bowl containing the dark mixture and then looked up at Ulquiorra's frowning face.

"You can stop stirring that, it's ready now. The last step is to give it a shape and put it in the fridge to cool down and harden. For that purpose I brought this." He took out a metallic mold with a curvy shape that Ulquiorra didn't recognize.

"What is that?"

Szayel smirked. "A heart, of course."

Ulquiorra examined the object with curiosity, outlining its shape with his pale fingers.

"A heart? I am afraid you must be mistaken. I have seen human hearts before and their shape is very different from this."

Szayel rolled his eyes. He too was starting to lose his patience. Really, Ulquiorra's naïveté and lack of general knowledge about what one would label as popular culture and human lifestyle was not only interesting but very amusing at times, but this was starting to get tiring.

"But there would be nothing romantic in gifting something with the shape of a human heart. Well, I would personally love a real one so that I could examine it (especially if it's still beating inside its owner's body), but I guess other people don't share my particular tastes, right? This is a simplified representation of a heart." He noticed the Ulquiorra's quirked eyebrow and the look of hesitance on his face. "Trust me, Ulquiorra-kun, this is the best way to get your feelings across to that person." He chirped, patting his back friendly.

Ulquiorra glanced at the mold again, still unsure about the methods Szayel Aporro was trying to use. Could this 'heart' really help him to convey his true feelings?

* * *

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez was taking a nap. It was a warm day (like every other day in which that stupid artificial sun shone over Las Noches) and he had nothing to do, so he was lying down on his favorite spot, right were the warm sunrays hit his bed, curled on top of the blankets, enjoying the peacefulness for once. Which was why he was so irritated when said peacefulness got interrupted by a soft knock on the door.

"The fuck you want?" he snapped, slamming the door open violently. He was _not_ pleased.

The fact that he was met with the presence of one Ulquiorra Cifer looking strangely uneasy, didn't help with his bad mood. Of all the people, why would Cifer want to ruin his perfect day off?

"Oi! You deaf? I said what the fuck d'ya want?"

Ulquiorra shook his head vigorously, trying to get his act together. This was completely not like him, he was always calm and collected, the deadly Cuatro Espada, and there was no way that he could be faced with a situation that he couldn't handle. He stroked the paper-clad object hidden safely in his pocket, took a deep breath, and finally took out the item, shoving it into Grimmjow's chest.

"I came to deliver this." He said simply, his voice unwavering, but his eyes not daring to meet the sapphire pair. His face was burning. 

Grimmjow inspected the package, a heart-shaped blue box with a dark blue bow, his eyebrows lifting to the point of meeting his hairline in sheer confusion. Ulquiorra and him could barely exchange three words before they started fighting. He couldn't even begin to fathom why would his nemesis want to give him any sort of present, unless it would explode in his face or something like that.

After much thought, and a spare glance at Ulquiorra's expectant look, he decided to open the gift to find an equally heart-shaped plain dark chocolate. He took it out hesitantly, wondering what to do with it. Should he eat it? He suddenly felt hungry, and the chocolate didn't look all that bad. But it came from Ulquiorra, who knew what it could be made of. And what was Ulquiorra trying to achieve by giving him a chocolate? Was this a prank? No, Ulquiorra probably didn't even know what that word meant. In fact, did Ulquiorra actually know what he was giving him? A heart-shaped chocolate? Surely someone had set him up for this. Maybe this was Ichimaru trying to mess with him. After all, Ichimaru _knew_. He turned to look at Ulquiorra, suddenly feeling annoyed and a little confused about the whole situation.

"Uhm… what am I supposed to do with this?"

Ulquiorra was beyond furious. After all the fuss Szayel Aporro had made about the accursed chocolate and the so-called Valentine's Day, and all the trouble he had gone through to make that ridiculous chocolate, he was also going to have to explain what it was? Didn't Szayel say that everyone would know about this silly celebration and that Grimmjow would understand his feelings when he received the chocolate? The whole point of this was that he was too proud and too ashamed to admit to his complicated emotions out loud and he had asked Szayel for another way to express them without embarrassing himself. He was absolutely going to kill the Octava when this was done.

Still, in spite of the turmoil going on inside his head, Ulquiorra would never let any of it be reflected on his facial expressions.

"Even for your limited brain capacity, it should be quite obvious what the purpose of that thing is. Do you need me to spell it out for you?" Perhaps he could start by not insulting the object of his affections if he really wanted to gain his attention. But he really didn't know any other way to address Grimmjow.

Grimmjow scowled, ready to answer back, but he decided to respond to his hungry stomach instead and ignore the little voice in his head telling him that Ulquiorra giving him a chocolate made no sense at all, and thus it must be poisoned. Since Ulquiorra knew what it was, it was reasonable to believe that the strange gift came from Ulquiorra himself. For what purpose, Grimmjow still didn't know, but it was starting to melt in his fingers and he was really starving.

He took a small bite and allowed the piece of candy to slowly melt in his mouth, closing his eyes in concentration. He tried not to feel miffed by Ulquiorra's deep stare, which was starting to irk him. He finally swallowed, his face contorting in disgust as he gagged.

"What the hell? This tastes like shit! Are you tryin' to kill me?"

Ulquiorra's emerald eyes widened for a second. He had failed. He had tried to make Grimmjow aware of his feelings and he had failed. He had been rejected. He couldn't put words to what he felt, but he had a sudden need to see a pool of blood at his feet. He didn't say anything, he couldn't even look up and see Grimmjow's bewildered face, so he just fled the scene without another word.

* * *

Gin Ichimaru was toying with the corridors and entertaining himself watching the multiple monitors in the control room, hoping for something interesting to happen, when he heard a soft knock on the door.

"Come in!" he chirped, his trademark grin never leaving his face.

"Pardon the interruption, Ichimaru-sama." Szayel Aporro Granz entered the room, trying his best to hide his excitement.

"Oh, 'ello Szayel-kun! Whaddya need?"

Szayel smirked, walking towards the monitors and scanning the different screens with his golden eyes before answering to his superior. His smirk widened when he spotted what he was looking for.

"Actually, I was wondering if you could enlarge the image in the twelfth camera and get the audio for that area. I'm sure you too will enjoy the show."

Ichimaru turned his eyes towards the screen Szayel mentioned and saw Ulquiorra and Grimmjow standing in front of each other outside of the latter's room. The fact that they were having a civil conversation without trying to kill each other was quite an occurrence. He too, smirked, pushing some keys, and seconds later, the image was filling the whole screen, and the voices of the two Espada could be heard all over the tiny room.

" _I came to deliver this."_

Ichimaru grinned cheerfully.

"Oooh. 's Ulquiorra finally gonna confess ta Grimmjow? 'cos it's 'bout time, ne? Those two're so into reach other!"

"I _know_! I've always thought they would be a perfect match. But they are both so stubborn about it. I was really surprised when Ulquiorra-kun came asking for a way to confess…"

Szayel was silenced as he saw the scene unfold in front of his eyes. He gaped at the screen, unable to believe what he was seeing. Ichimaru's mouth formed a tiny 'o', he too, surprised at the unexpected development.

"Oho, 't seems 't didn' work out. Seriously, tho' Grimmjow's a r'lly bad actor."

The scientist frowned and clenched his fists quietly, his eyes fixed on the image of Ulquiorra storming away from the still furious Grimmjow. He was not going to let things stay like this.

* * *

Grimmjow was finally back to his bed, though he hadn't been able to go back to sleep. Damn Ulquiorra, suddenly deciding to act all weird and shit, and now he couldn't get it out of his mind. He'd thought that, for a split-second, he'd seen Ulquiorra's face show a hurt expression. But that was most likely his imagination. Wouldn't be the first time he had a little bit too vivid mental images about Ulquiorra.

Suddenly he heard a soft knock on the door. Grimmjow growled. What did that idiot want now? 

"What the _fuck_ 's it now?" he snarled, hoping that the little confusing bastard would change his mind and run away.

To his surprise, he didn't find Ulquiorra on the other side of the door. Instead, he found unusually cold golden eyes glaring at him as if Szayel Aporro wanted him to burst into flames. And right alongsides him, Grimmjow saw Gin Ichimaru wearing his usual smirk. Oh, this day just kept getting better and better.

Szayel's brows were knitted together in anger. He himself wasn't all that sure of why he was so furious with Grimmjow. The comings and goings of his fellow Espada were not really of his business, and when he did snoop into someone else's life, he would relish in pain, suffering and turbulent emotions. Ah, how he loved the way someone's brain would react and spark when attacked by dark, hurtful feelings. But perhaps this time was different. His objective, his experiment was very different to any other that he had conducted before. He had officially made Ulquiorra's private life into his personal project and he would not give up until he got positive results out of this.

"Before you ask, no, I don't wanna test out whatever new drug you came up with, thank you." Grimmjow spat, scowling.

Szayel smirked and took a step closer towards him.

"Oh, worry not, Grimmjow, I have not come here for that reason today. My business is something entirely different in this particular occasion." He said, advancing even closer, invading his  personal space.

Grimmjow took a step back and growled menacingly.

"You see, Ichimaru-sama and I were having fun in the control room when we saw you and Ulquiorra-kun having a funny conversation, but then Ulquiorra-kun got really upset. You see, I'm rather curious, so what happened, ne Grimmjow?"

"That's none of your fucking business."

Szayel's smirk didn't waver, he stepped even closer and hooked a finger under Grimmjow's strong chin.

"Ooh, but I'm afraid it is."

Grimmjow snarled and backed away even further, trying to get away from the Szayel's reach. Ichimaru, who had been watching the scene silently until then, suddenly snickered.

"Lookie there, Szayel." He said playfully, pointing at Grimmjow's right hand. "Ne, Grimmjow, wha' didja do ta get yer fingers all dirty like tha'?"

The sixth turned his gaze to the hand that Ichimaru was pointing. His eyes widened and he cursed under his breath as he noticed in horror that his fingers were covered in a thick, sticky, dark brown substance.

* * *

Ulquiorra had locked the door to his room, and had curled himself into a ball on top of the bed. No light could enter the spacious room of the fourth Espada, nor did he want it to. He had been a fool to believe that there would be anything to gain in confessing his feelings to an idiot of Grimmjow's category.

His hands clenched into fists around the white bedsheets as the knot in his stomach tightened. It was horrible and painful, unlike anything he had felt in his life. Before today, he had never had to deal with something as troublesome as 'emotions'. He was an Espada, an effective killing machine. And then somehow, that strange and unexpected attraction towards the blue-haired trash had blossomed out of nowhere, and then quickly morphed into an insufferable fascination. Had he simply ignored it instead of pursuing such a useless impulse, none of this would be happening now. He wouldn't be feeling this painful emptiness.

Why did it have to hurt so much? It didn't make any sense. He hadn't engaged in any battle and his body had not sustained any injury as of late. Then why was he in so much pain? He couldn't understand it. And yet, he took his hand to his chest and grabbed his coat right over that empty hole in his body; even if it was hollow, it was the one that hurt the most.

* * *

 

Grimmjow had been standing outside of Ulquiorra's room for a few minutes now, hesitating about knocking on the door. Should he really be doing this? This was so weird and so not like him, yet…

" _So you did eat it?"_ golden eyes  had looked at him, bewildered.

" _Yeah, he gave it to me, I guess I was supposed to eat it, so what?"_ he'd shrugged, he didn't get why Szayel was so worked up about such a little thing.

" _But you said it was horrible!"_

" _W-well I wasn't gonna tell him that I liked his fucking food."_

Ichimaru had snickered in the background, as if he knew something that the other two Espada ignored. It was ticking him off. Szayel sighed, trying to calm himself down and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

" _For your information, Ulquiorra-kun put the best of his efforts to make that chocolate for you in hopes to get you to accept his true feelings. But it was naïve of me to think that a brute of your kind would understand such a simple message."_

Fucking freak. If he hadn't said that, he wouldn't be standing here, wondering what to do now. It was all Ulquiorra's fault. Why did he have to give him that stupid chocolate to begin with? Now everything was fucked up. Ulquiorra? Having feelings for him? It couldn't possible be true. They hated each other's guts.

Except that Grimmjow didn't really hate Ulquiorra, but no one was supposed to know that.

Had he really imagined the pain in Ulquiorra's face after rejecting his chocolate?

* * *

Ulquiorra ignored the loud knocking on the door. He knew who was on the other side, he had felt his reiatsu standing in the hallway for about fifteen minutes, and he could stay there and rot for all he cared.

The unwanted visitor insisted, knocking even louder. Ulquiorra wondered if that fool would go as far as to knock his door down. Surely he wouldn't dare. He turned his back towards the entrance and tried to block the noise away, hoping that the idiot would leave if he received no answer.

No such luck.

"Oi, Ulquiorra! I know you're there, don't play dumb on me! Open the door, damnit!"

He inched his body as far as he could from the offending noise, pretending not to hear that voice. What could that man want from him now? Had he not been humilliated enough? Would he also want to rub his failure on his face? Perhaps he had figured out the real meaning of the unwanted gift and he had come to mock him for it? Ulquiorra wanted nothing else than to disappear on the spot.

He heard some curses and a sudden loud bang that made him jump up to a seated position, his wide eyes directed at the spot where the door used to be.

"Tch, yer always so difficult. I just wanted to talk and now I had to make a mess!" Grimmjow complained, his blue eyebrows scrunched in a scowl.

Ulquiorra regained his composure immediately and sent a cold glare at the intruder, willing him to vanish into nothingness.

"Get out."

Grimmjow barely caught the ice-cold words before a surge of green light passed barely two inches away from his right ear. He flinched, noting the darkening reiatsu that had suddenly spread over the room.

"I will not repeat myself again, get out."

Another Cero flew by him, this one brushing his cheek and leaving a burning feeling on his skin. Grimmjow seriously considered retreating for today. He knew the next one would hit him for sure.

"O-oi, take it easy, man! I just want to talk! Y-you're not really tryin' to kill me, are you?" he asked, knowing that Ulquiorra had every intention to end his life, and that he would do so unless he managed to talk some sense into him. The killing intent radiating from those cold emerald eyes sent chills down his spine.

Ulquiorra watched intently as the other raised both of his hands, as if trying to prove that he was unarmed and harmless. And though he could indeed notice that Grimmjow was not carrying his zanpakuto (reckless and careless, as usual), he also knew that he needed no weapon to cause him pain, as he had discovered today.

"Yes, I will kill you if you do not disappear from my sight imm-"

The new Cero he was charging died out as his eyes scanned Grimmjow's body to finally land on his raised right hand.

"What is that, in your right hand?

This time, Grimmjow didn't have to look to know what Ulquiorra was talking about. He cursed mentally. Hadn't he wiped that off? Fuck, this was going to be so embarrassing.

"I… got my hand dirty."

Ulquiorra frowned, unsatisfied with the short response. "That is obvious. I want to know what it is that got you dirty."

Grimmjow sighed, knowing there was no way around this, and perhaps, this would be the best approach to the conversation he had initially thought out.

"Isn't it obvious? It's that damn chocolate you gave me, moron. Some of it melted on my hand and now it's like this. Haven't had time to clean it." He scratched the back of his head, glancing at the fourth hesitantly. "What? If ya gave it to me, it's only natural that I ate it, why's everyone so surprised about it?" he snapped.

Ulquiorra's eyes widened. Hadn't he thrown it away? True, he had dashed off before seeing what Grimmjow would do with his gift, but what else would anyone expect him do with it if it tasted as terribly as he said it did? And why would he eat something that had such an awful taste, anyway?

"You were the one who said that it was atrocious. Only fools would eat something that has a foul taste." He replied, trying to keep his calm demeanor, but finding himself unable to look directly at Grimmjow.

The sapphire-eyed Espada growled in frustration. This was the stupidest thing he'd ever had to do in all of his life. Stupid and embarrassing. He really hated to explain himself. Though he had to admit that Ulquiorra looked kinda cute with that faint pink blush tainting his pale cheeks. The sight alone was rare enough to be somewhat endearing.

"Fine! I was _lying_! It wasn't bad! I… I actually l-liked it… It was kinda g-good. But I thought you were tryin' to make fun of me or something like that, and I didn't want to give you the satisfaction, so I lied… That's what I came here to say…" He was supposed to apologize too, but he'd never do such a thing. Not to Ulquiorra. Never.

He too could feel his cheeks burning. Stupid Ulquiorra for giving him that stupid chocolate. Stupid Szayel for telling him all that shit.

" _Don't you know what day is today? Today is Valentine's Day!"_ Szayel hadwailed dramatically.

" _Ahhh… you mean that human thingy when they turn all sappy and stupid and shit?"_

Szayel punched his chest angrily _._

" _No, you big fool! Don't you get it? The tradition is to give a hand-made chocolate to the person you love! Ulquiorra-kun tried his best to make that chocolate for you, insensitive idiot."_

Grimmjow glanced at Ulquiorra, wondering if he would still want to kill him now. Instead, his emerald eyes were fixed on his pale fingers, or rather, fixed on _not_ looking at him, as if there was something very interesting on any other spot of the room, and that faint blush hadn't disappeared from his pale cheeks.

The silence between them grew unconfortable, neither daring to speak or utter the smallest of sounds, not even sparing a glance at each other. _This is so terribly stupid_ , Grimmjow thought, staring at his chocolate coated fingers and absentmidedly bringing his index finger to his lips, licking it clean of the sweet substance. His heart was pounding loudly. 

He stole another sideglance at Ulquiorra, who was still not looking at him, big eyes wide and shimmering with confusion, the taste of chocolate lingering in his mouth.

 _Gah, fuck this_.

Ulquiorra could hardly register what was going on before he felt a strong grip on his chin forcing his face upwards and a rough pair of lips pressed against his own. His emerald eyes widened, not knowing how to react. After the initial shock had passed, he hooked his arms around Grimmjow's neck and closed his eyes, parting his lips when the other's tongue asked for access, deepening the kiss.

 _That idiot_ , Ulquiorra thought to himself, feeling the faint taste of chocolate in Grimmjow's mouth, _he **lied** to me. That chocolate **did** taste awful_.

**Author's Note:**

> Ehhhhh... let me know what you think? I know this doesn't make up for how much I've taken updating my current stories (I promise The Promise won't take much longer!!), but I still like this fic, so I hope you enjoy it


End file.
